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Kendall Alexandra

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[11 May 2008 | 10:03pm]
 Omg I feel so lousy. I just ate chicken parmigiana, a cannoli, and a breadstick. See, my mom and I had a huge fight the other day, and she's Italian, so pretty much the only way back to her heart is through food. It's Mother's Day, and I didn't want to fight with her anymore. The sad part is that I wasn't trying to fight with her, I was just trying to talk about how upset I was about something, but we're so different that things always come out wrong. Ughh I'll explain more of the specifics later. Right now I'm just exhausted, and I still have to study, do a take home final, watch the Tudors, and try to purge all of this damn food out. God I'm never going to get back to 112 if I keep doing this.

[30 April 2008 | 07:07pm]
[ mood | groggy ]

 Gosh I'm so tired today. I don't know why; I got a decent night's sleep last night. Maybe it was because I haven't slept well for days before that, so it's all just catching up to me now. Plus the fact that my psycho-analytical literary criticism of Mrs. Dalloway is due in a few days and I'm still completely unorganized. Ahhhh I can't wait till the semester is over; only two weeks left!

I've had a pretty good eating day so far - yogurt for breakfast, Starbucks Frappuccino Light for lunch, and fish with broccoli and strawberries for dinner. I'm trying to fill up n healthy things instead of all the bingeing and purging. Yesterday and the day before were really bad; I was so stressed I baked lemon bars, ate half of them, and had a piece of cake that my mother bought. I hate all the bingeing I've been doing...I guess it's directly related to stress. And purging is even worse, since most of the time the unhealthy things stick in you and the good things like vegetables always come up first. I just need to eat really healthy foods like grilled chicken, fish, and vegetables so I'll feel full, eat less, and stop bingeing. I just want to lose these 5 pounds I've gained. I can't believe how fat I look; I swear I could block out the sun.

I'm so nervous about hearing back from colleges. I know they're all just going to reject me. I guess I could finish my two year degree and then transferring out might be easier. But I just want to live in a dorm on campus and have that college experience. Maybe I want it so bad because I'm desperately trying to replace my non-existent high school experience with a good time in college. It sucks that Colgate rejected me. It probably was too cold and remote for my liking, though. Here's to hoping that somewhere will take me.....

It's so warm out today; it's so weird how cold the house is. The weather in the mountains is just plain bizarre. Freezing one day, summery the next. I never know what to wear. Hopefully this 70s weather lasts; it's perfect right now. I just need some more new dresses. If Aerie didn't cut my hours so much I could buy more at American Eagle; but even with my discount it can be a lot. I guess saving money is for the best, though.

I'm so tired. I wish it was Monday and there was a new episode of Gossip Girl. It's pathetic, but I live for that show, lol. I totally love and want to be Blair Waldorf, I admit it, haha.

I got my eyebrows waxed at the salon today; Jolanta said the pictures she took for her profile after my last cut were so good I should model. I don't know why everyone says that; I don't feel pretty. God knows guys never hit on me or approach me. Even so, I can't wait to see the photos, it's fun pretending to be a model/diva. Now, if only I could magically transform into Jessica Stam or Gisele, that would be perfect, lol.

Well, I ought to get back to me paper. I don't feel like working right now, but putting it off any longer will just make it worse. Auf Wiedersehen! 


Greetings... [27 April 2008 | 03:53am]
[ mood | stressed ]

So, this is my new journal. I finally got one. It's late and I don't quite know what to say; this is just an introductory post....a new beginning. Beginnings and endings, continually repeated - the story of my life. Anyway, if you want to add me and read the neurotic, sad, nonsensical, hopeful, disillusioned thoughts that will be recorded here, go right ahead. Here's to another uncertain beginning of something...

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